Let's get real...

It has been several months since my last post, so for you loyal fans and followers I apologize! Life has gotten busy!

SO many changes in our house the last few months.... Logan started school (thank god!) and Jayce started 4th grade AND youth football! I will admit that when Jayce came home last school year to tell us he wanted to play, I cringed! Now, before you judge me, let me be perfectly up front.... Since age 4 Jayce has played soccer... It has been a nightmare! The first year the coach was a complete jack ass whom only focused on his own son, and only cheered on his own son... I mean you'd think we were playing in the World Cup! BUT, despite my little voice inside telling me NOT to sign him up year after year there after, I still did... Let's face it, it is good to get kids out to be active!! Weekend after weekend we spent our Saturday's at the soccer field wtaching our very "non athletic", "non aggressive" son play soccer, meanwhile he is on the field waving to his friends on opposite fields and just letting people pass him by with the ball. NOW, I am fully aware that Jayce is simply NOT cut out for this sport BUT, this is a child who has a heart of GOLD! He is THAT kid on your team who will do as he is asked (but maybe half ass) and cheer for his teammates until he has no voice left.... This is something that ALL teams need.... So, I was super concerned about the football issue as, a former high school athlete I knew he was in for a rude awakning!

Practices began the second week of July... AND in the central valley that means it's fucking HOT! His first day of conditioning I prepped myself all day! I had his cleats out, bought him a new water bottle and was ready to go with my chair to watch my boy!!!! Now, my Husband, who is the president of the organization wasn't so sure I should go..... He told me, "If you go, you need to sit far away where he cannot see you"...... Needless to say my feelings were hurt!!! SO, being the stubborn ass that I am, I reluctantly stayed behind.... I didn't go for 2 weeks to watch him.. Now, I coached cheer for 10 years AND competitive at that... I know first hand that kid's perform better when your nose isn't up their rear! Jayce has never been an athletic kid, nor aggressive so, I kept telling myself that this was going to be so good for him.... I had NO idea!

We are almost 3 months into him practicng/playing... He has completley shocked me and James..... He is one of the last kids to run his laps, he doesn't hit to kill the kid he's up against, and he is so respectful to his coaches.... He has not complained ONE time about going to practice in the heat, I mean with the exception of a couple days of him just wanting to relax at home...... His confidence has shot through the roof, and he has made many new friends. I LOVE watching him, even tho he doesn't play all the time. He has shown me a new side to him! He has such a big heart, and so much to offer this world... The shitty parents who complain about every damn thing are hard to dismiss but, I try to stay away from the practice field so I am not "that" parent... It's not that I don't support the program or my son, I just don't want to be set off by an ignorant comment by a parent who sits their ass at practice and doesn't volunteer their time to try to help out the board.... I am so proud of my boy, it brings me much joy to see him having fun!

Now, the parents on the other hand, that's a hold new world for me.... It is difficult with having a child play and having my husband as president.... Many times I have to bite my tongue in order not to embarress James or Jayce. Although positive suggestions are great, it's the negativity and the fact that parents think they are owed something! It is beyond me why people would sign their child up for something and then sit around and complain about every aspect of the program, whether it's coaching or not wanting to follow the rules! Aren't we the ones who are supposed to be setting a good example for our kids? It's very frustrating to me when people don't offer a solution but continue to be a problem.... Youth sports would NOT operate without volunteers and a really solid board! These people are taking time away every evening and every Saturday to coach your childern, and to keep them in a safe environment.... It is no wonder that so many kids are such punks now a days's because when you see their psycho parent screaming and bitching about everything, they follow!!!!! I am obvioulsy outspoken but, I am NOT disrespectful! If my boys ever disrespect an adult I will beat their ass! Why do some parents feel they are entitled? I just don't understand this...... I see James come home everynight from practice, and deal with a lot of extra, unnecessary bull shit. I commend him for his constant patience and "babysitting" of some of these parents who think throwing a tantrum and using the F word in fromt of the kids is "ok" because they had a bad day........ Really? I also LOVE the threats!!! Those are my favorite! "Well, then I'm taking my kid to another team..." Ummmm, ok, then turn in your kids shit and have fun.... Leave, bye bye, have fun. Let's show our kids that if they don't get their way that it's ok to quit. That's a great way to prepare them for real life when you work for an asshole!! Guess what, you have bills to pay! I also really enjoy the ones who threaten to sue, or say they're going to call their attorney because you get NO refund! You sign an agreeement that their is NO refunds so, how hard is that to understand?.... Hmmmmmmmm..... Hey listen, parenting is the hardest job out there but, WE need to be role models! Don't get me wrong, I am the first one to wanna be pissed if my kid is messed with but, this has nothing to do with the treatment of the kids, it's the parents and how they ruin this for their children by acting like animals! Just come and support and don't fight the rules! It is that simple..... Ok, rant over!

Moral to this post.... I am over the moon proud of my son, and parents you need a reality check sometimes.... or a shot of Patron and a Zanex...

Until next time..

P.S. I am so not perfect but, I try to be a good, supporive role model to my kids.

It's been so long!

It has been a while since my last post! This past month has been crazy!

Last month I found out I had 3 kidney stones! Yikes, that was awful pain! They really need to consider giving epidurals for that shit! My god, it is horrible! A week or so after that I was blind sided by the stomach flu, and then it spread like wild fire through this house! I was cleaning up puke for days! NASTY!!! And then of course I got a nasty cold that worked it's way into my throat, where the doctor found "ulcers" as he called it, and then in English he told me there were canker sores covering my entire throat! Just like the stones, that was good times!... Ummmm, no! I am the worlds biggest bitch when I am sick because even tho you wanna lay down and rest, YOU CAN'T when the entire household rely's on you for almost everything!! So, needless to say, the past month has been really crappy!

On a positive note, it is now Thanksgiving and I am so excited to be spending it here at home with the boy's and my in laws! This is Jame's favorite holiday and when we moved into the house 4 years ago, he began a tradition of cooking the bird... I used to look over his shoulder and coach every move, but I have stopped doing that because he does a wonderful job all on his own! Today he "prepped" his bird, and shot it up with a ton of melted butter! I am sure it will be amazing! I am in charge of all the side dishes and actually look forward to working with him in the kitchen! This is the ONLY time he is allowed in there while I am in there!

Jayce had an excellent report card, and a great parent teacher conference! I was very proud of his accomplishments. He is doing wonderful in school and I know he will continue to be a good student.. Soccer is over and he will not be returning, it's just not his thing! He is still taking hip hop, which he LOVES, and is trying to get through Cathecism as well...

Logan NEEDS to go to pre school! We are going to send him after the first of the year. He continues to be a holy terror, but he is so dang funny it is hard not to laugh at that kid! He decided he would call his big brother a "bitch" yesterday.... My lord how he picks up on things! Jayce never repeated any bad words so, this is a new journey I am on... He is a "toughie".... Getting mad and giving him a swat on the buns doesn't phase this child! I am so in trouble with this one!

I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving! I am so thankful for everything in my life.... There are days when I wish I could "Have it all", but really I do... It's been in front of me all the time, I just didn't appreciate it before! I have a wonderful Husband who provides for this family... 2 healthy children... The best brother and sister ever, and 2 amazing parents! My in laws are also very special people who I am so grateful for...

Happy Thanksgiving to you all, be thankful for everything you have.

Until next time..

My LOVE for Footnotes

As most of you know I work at a dance studio in Ceres... This is my 5th year with Footnotes Dance Studio! Now, I have worked for some real assholes in my life! ALL MEN! The one positive thing that I took from my crappy experiences was a BACK BONE! I used to come home crying from the gymnastics gym I worked at almost weekly! James always said, "Kerry, you have to speak up for yourself or people will always run over you..." Guess I took that advice and RAN!

I started dance at age 3 in King City Ca at Pauline's Dance Studio... Black leotard, and pink tights, bun in hair every week! It was instant love! I LOVED to dance and entertain! I was introduced to "The Nutcracker" where I portrayed a mouse! I know, freakin lame right? BUT, I was little, and cute:)

We then moved to Anaheim Hills Ca where I danced at Christines..... Stayed there and did 2 recitals and we were off to move again!

Ending up in Turlock at age 8, my Mom enrolled me with Deborah Morgan.... I danced with Deborah for 13 years.. I had some amazing experiences, including many trips! LA, San Fran, Vegas.... But nothing could compare to the very last trip I was able to make at age 20, to Europe! I traveled to England, Amsterdam, France and Scotland! Danced in Hyde Park in London, The Edinburgh Fringe Festival in Scotland just to name a few. It was a chance of a lifetime! I was on a tour for 2 weeks, never been away from home, and in love with my future husband... I was so home sick! However, the experience was one that I cannot begin to put into words! Simply AMAZING!

I started coaching cheer for a local youth team at age 15... I stayed with Turlock Youth Cheer for 7 wonderful years! I talked the advisors into letting them compete which was something they had never done! It kinda escalated from there! I worked with some amazing young ladies, and some with whom I am still in touch with today..

After I realized I could actually get paid to teach, I moved onto high school cheer teams... Denair High, Delhi High, and then onto a magnificent Co Ed All Star Team named: Turlock Cheer Unlimited! They were the highlight of my coaching career! Kicking ass and taking names! Damn kids were spectacular!

I took some time off from coaching to start my family, and I missed it so! I contacted a local gym owner to see if he'd be interested in starting an all girl all star team... He agreed and I worked with Cheer Force Unlimited All Stars for 2 years... After my 2nd year, I was up to my neck and, had had it with cheer! I was so done! I wanted so badly to go back to my roots and start teaching dance! I wanted to be at a studio that had competitive teams as well as regular classes! Be careful what you wish for!

I met Lindsey Taylor years ago when I danced for Deborah.... We were in the same class... Very sweet, beautiful, curly blonde girl from Ceres.. Always thought she was a little quiet but oh so nice! Little did I know that years later that quiet, pretty girl would be signing my paychecks!

I ran into Lindsey at a local competition in Turlock my last year of cheer.. I said hello, and told her if she was hiring for her studio to please let me know! I wanted OUT of that crazy cheer world! Much to my surprise, she e mailed a few weeks later..

When I started with Footnotes I was so nervous! So scared, I mean I was so much older then the other instructors, and obviously not in the same shape as these little 2o somethings! Talk about intimidation! Almost immediately these people made me feel so welcome! They were funny, and you could tell they were all close! I really didn't think I would be accepted....... I was so wrong!

Five years later and I know I am where I belong... These people are family! I have developed some amazing friendships and bonds with these talented individuals! They have ALL been there for me through good and bad times.... The staff in the above picture are the people I can turn to in any crisis... I could not ask to have a more amazing job! I get to work with the sweetest kids who LOVE coming to dance class! I want to make their experience that much more special each week! Those kids light up my life, and if I am ever down they make me smile!

Netta, Chrissy, Melissa, Roxanne, Linds, Simon, Brianne, Melanie, Twitter, Morgan, Haylee, Sonya, Steph and Pookie:

You are so special to me.... You are not only co workers but you are FAMILY to me.... Thank you for making work such a fun and interesting place to be! Always a good time with this crew.... The work that we create together as a company is PHENOMENAL! Recital after recital we always pull out the most fantastic shows! I love you all so much and am so grateful that you have all come into my life..

Oh, and it's nice to have a boss who appreciates you.. It's also a perk to have that person be one of your very best friends.

YOU ALL ARE SUCH TALENTED AND REMARKABLE PEOPLE.. CHEERS TO ALL OF YOU!

XOXOXO

Peas and carrots

I could go on and on about Footnotes Dance Studio... You can check us out on Facebook or at

www.footnotesdancestudio.com

You won't regret sending your dancer to us! The STAFF will treat you like family...

Complaints Complaints

Ok, tonight I am going to vent and complain, so I am WARNING you now.... Don't read ahead unless you want to hear me whine!

Ok, first off.... It is against the LAW to go into a cross walk while pedestrians are in it! I deal with this everyday when I pick Jayce up from school! Even if they are half way through you CANNOT drive through it until they have crossed completely! Get it assholes? GOOD! Don't do it!

So, you people who decide to walk in the middle of the lane in the Target Parking Lot (Or any parking lot) are idiots! Get the hell out of the way! Either move to the left or, move to the right! There are cars trying to find a parking space, and what's even more irritating is when I am creeping up slowly in my car behind you, and you KEEP WALKING in the center! Get the fuck out of the way! Seriously!

For Christs sakes people, do you have to bring 7 family members to a doctor's appointment for your child? As if their aren't enough seats to sit in already! I mean, is it a show?? And, what kills me is when the child's name is called they ALL go to! Next time Logan has a doctors appointment I am sending out (USING YOUR LINE CURRY), engraved invitations to my entire family so they can come watch him get weighed, check his height, check his temp or, get shots! I think it is insane! I mean my own husband doesn't come to the kids appointments! Glad everyone is spreading their germs in the waiting room as if it isn't infested enough with cooties from the green, snotty nosed kid who just sneezed everywhere! Stay home, please!

Is it necessary to leave your trash in the grocery cart? Empty Starbucks cups, used Kleenex, your shopping list.... I have even seen diapers! MARCH YOUR LAZY ASS TO THE GARBAGE CAN! Oh, the best is when people go car seat shopping and leave the big ass box in the parking lot! Now that's a good one! Like the people in the store wanna clean up after you, an ADULT! Geesh!

Last but not least.... Costco samples are NOT a lunch time buffet for your damn family! It is to try a product and move on! Don't "park" your cart in the middle of the lane, where everyone has to go around it or get backed up because you want to feed you and your 12 kids lunch! GO TO THE FOOD COURT!

Ok, I think I am done.... Gosh, I kinda feel better:)

All bitching and complaining is copyright of me, and only me.... These are just my opinions and random thoughts.

Ignorance is a bitch

First of all, SMB thank you for inspiring me to write tonight.... You are amazing..

Do you realize that in the last 3 weeks their have been 5 suicide's by teens who are gay? FIVE! That is one too many!.... WHY in the hell is this still an issue? I do NOT understand...

Now, before you judge me or, my opinion, I can tell you first hand that I have personally dealt with homosexuality almost my whole life... It is near and dear to me, and I have always been ok with it... It does not bother me at all! I am not writing tonight to change your mind, or to make you believe in what I believe in... If anything, take a moment to look around, there is someone near you almost everyday who is gay. Is it really affecting your life?

How sad that the families of these young victims are dealing with these tragedies! How SAD that these victims felt there was no other way... How sad that our society has so much other fucked up shit going on that their focus is to tell someone who they should or shouldn't love.... Tyler Clementi jumped off the George Washington Bridge... and 13 year old Seth Walsh hanged himself! In most of these cases, these kids were teased and bullied. This makes me sick! When I was in school, I got teased for having big boobs! It was so hurtful, and I cannot IMAGINE what these kids had to endure everyday of their lives...

Gay people aren't sick... You can't get a disease from sitting next to them. Gay people don't turn straight people gay... Why can't people in this country educate themselves? Why are people so damn mean? Oh, and let me tell you, gay people are NOT going to pick up on your ass! Trust me, they know who runs in their circle! Good lord.. You ain't that fly!

I found out that my Brother was gay when I was 15.. A Sophomore in High School, my Mom came into my room one evening to tell me.... I said, "ok...." She looked at me funny.... I said, "Mom, I could have told you that..." I knew, I always knew.... It wasn't something shocking nor did it bother me in the least. My Brother was an amazing person, both talented and funny........

I knew that I went to school with a lot of people who were gay... They either didn't know it yet, or they were too scared to admit it and come out... How sad! How is it that I can walk around and be who I want to be but, a gay person has to hide, bottle it up, pretend... I find that so disturbing and pathetic that I live in a country where I am supposed to have freedoms but, a gay person has to worry about the ignorance and brain washed church crowds to look down on them and "pray" for them? They don't need prayer! They need support, love, loyalty and acceptance! I hope that in my lifetime I live to see the day when the gay community is accepted by all... Until then, I will continue to LOVE everyone... Gay, straight, black, green, polka dotted, skinny, fat whatever!!

I am not here to change your views.... We all have a right to our opinion, that is for sure... I think that everyone needs to be aware of what is going on with these young kids! Our youth shouldn't be dying! They have a whole life ahead of them! I know that I have already talked to Jayce about the subject... I have told him that we DO NOT make fun of people regarding their race, origin or, choice of loved one.. It is WRONG and if he ever has any questions to come to ME!!! Not to anyone else! I will fill my child's head with knowledge and not HATE or disgust!

Take a minute to remind yourself that we all have choices... And although you may not "believe" there is no NEED to be mean and hateful.. Just mind your own business.

Rob,

You are amazing and I am proud of you everyday! You inspire me more then you will ever know! You have been there for me when nobody else was....... I know I can always call you for a good laugh and, although you are a state away I am always here for you and will hop on the next flight in a heartbeat if you ever need it! You are strong, and endured so much.... Your talent has taken you so far, and I admire all you do for others. You are the most unselfish person I have ever known. How lucky I am to have a big Brother like you!

Someone asked me the other day, "how do you and James keep it all together?" I had to laugh out loud! Although, a super sweet and, much appreciated compliment, we clearly DO NOT have it all together!

James and I met in Jr High School, many moons ago! He was a quiet, shy boy....Braces on his teeth, and always sporting a satin silver Raiders jacket to school! We had mutual friends.....

I knew him in high school, but we always hung out with totally different crowds! It wasn't until my junior and senior year that the "quiet" boy from Jr high school came out of his shell, and was very handsome.... Not to mention charming as heck but, my very prude personality was NOT going for his "lines...." We would often pass in the halls, and he'd say, "hey, when are we going to go out?"..... I'd smile and say "NEVER!'...

Sober grad night was In June of 1995, and it was everyones last chance to see each other before parting ways.... College for some, jobs or moving away... A sad night but, a proud moment for all as we had reached the end of our high school career! I was determined to make a wonderful night of it! I saw James and he asked me to dance... I politely obliged, and we had a BALL!!!! He took me into the "Casino" and won me a tiny, yellow, plastic ball! I have to say I was a little taken back by his quick witt and charm..

A few months after graduation we had been chatting on the phone for a few months... We often ran into each other at parties etc.... There was something about this boy that had me interested. After, much talking he asked me on a date, and I said YES!

He picked me up in his shiny BURGUNDY truck.. Now, mind you there were a very select few "Boyfriends" that my parents liked. My Mom loved him instantly! As I got in his truck, I noticed a very large sticker on the ceiling that read:

"Show me your tits!' Oh, good gracious, what the hell did I get myself into? Not to mention, he had a sticker on the back windshield that said "Blow me.." Sweet Jesus! James had quite the "reputation" with the ladies but, I put that aside to see myself.... Since his license plate read "ABL2PLZ" I was curious..

James says, "oh hey my sunglasses are in your visor, can you grab them for me?".... As I flipped my visor down a red rose fell in my lap... SCORE! I was casual with my smile, and said "wow, thank you..." What a sly fucker!

We went miniature golfing in Modesto.... the date was full of laughs and, for once I could be myself in front of a guy and it felt amazing! The one thing that drew me to James was his amazing smile, and his ability to make me laugh! As soon as I returned home, I called my best friend Stephanie to dish the dirt! I specifically told her, "I am going to marry him...."

Months passed by and we both dated other people... We remained friends and spoke often... He paged me all the time (as I did him), we had our own little codes... He gave me butterflies! It was a very flirty friendship for sure! We confided in each other about our girlfriend/boyfriend each had at the time, and finally after about a year and a half of that, we both knew we weren't happy, and wanted to be together... So, we broke it off with our others and that night we went out! Again, I knew, he WAS the one!

We dated for 2 years and were engaged on Valentines Day of 1999, also buying our first home.......

James and I have been married for 10 years this past May. 10 YEARS..... That's a long time.... We have been through A LOT! More then I will disclose through my blog.... I will say, things have not been easy! A marriage comes with sacrifice, patience, love, communication and, constant care! It's like a flower, you either water it or it DIES! You have to work at it everyday and, each person needs are different. As women, we want to be told how pretty we look... How amazing we are... What a great job we do at taking care of the home and kids, and for some of you, how much we are appreciated for working a full/part time job. This is a 2 way street! Men want and need to hear these things too. Sometimes, you have to drop your insecure wall down to pay these compliments, but in the end it makes for a much better relationship.... I also believe it is so important to spend quality time together with your spouse. Your marriage should come FIRST! That may irritate a few of you, and my "followers" may stop following me for this one..... But, it is true! If you and your spouse cannot make it work, then what kind of example are we setting for our children? They look to us for happiness and security and, if you don't have that in your marriage, they WILL feel it! It is they who will suffer if we cannot display a healthy environment...

I have been down that shitty road... We BOTH have, and it is normal to ask yourself, "did I make the right choice in who I married?".... I will say that I have always "loved" James, but until recently, I never knew what it felt to be "in love..." That is a whole different level. When you have kids, life gets complicated and it is easy to get caught up in schedules, deadlines, cleaning the house, folding the laundry and making sure everyone is taken care of... At the end of the day when you crawl in bed with your spouse, are those the things that make you happy? Or do you want to reach over and tell that person how much you love them? It's ALWAYS a choice, life that is, and it is up to us each day how we are going to live it. It is also up to us to sometimes let go, let your guard down and start re building something that may have crumbled, if YOU believe in it enough and, are willing to put the work in to do it~ nobody said that this thing called marriage would be easy... It isn't a fairy tale... It is a constant up keep and only in your hands to repair.. YOU have to make an effort everyday to let that person know, "you are so special and are truly appreciated" even when you are in a bitchy mood!

James, there is nobody else I'd wish to take this ride on..... I have learned so many life lessons, good and bad..... You always make me laugh, and I know how much work you have put forth to be sure your family comes first! Neither of us have been perfect, and I don't even wish to be associated with that word.... Many people thought this would NOT last. Look how we have proven them wrong. It has taken a lot of work and time to heal wounds, talk about everything and move forward. You are my best friend, and I am glad that after all these years we still have things to talk about! If you can't be friends, then what do you have left? i love you more then ever. Thank you for inspiring me to be the person I am today, and allowing me to always be myself... For those people who live in their glass houses, karma is such a bitch! The stones they have thrown I have collected in my pocket, and one day I will return them to their front porch. We may not have it "all together" but from the inside looking out, I think we are pretty damn amazing..

Take the time today to tell your spouse how much you love them, and how much you appreciate everything they do... Who know, you may get lucky tonight! (Wink wink!)

You'll never have it "all together" but it's nice to know people think so...

Until next time~

Angels Among Us

My Logan will be 3 years old this Saturday October 2... I have broken down in tears twice in the last week thinking of this milestone. Not that Jayce isn't an awesome, amazing, out going, funny kid, who I ADORE, but Logan to me is an angel who was sent after much sadness.....

I lost my first pregnancy after only being married over a year.... Nobody ever told me these things could happen! Obviously I wasn't educated very well.... I remember going to the ER and they told me I was having a miscarriage.... Huh? What the hell did that mean? They told me to go home and "wait it out", at this point still having NO CLUE what was about to happen.. I remember waiting in line at the pharmacy for pain meds, when an enormous amount of pain came over my body... I distinctly remember gripping onto the rails in the hallway and telling James, "we need to go home NOW!" I even remember telling him to run the stop sign on the way home!

Nobody told me that having a miscarriage is like going through labor. Apparently some people have little to no pain, but for me, it was intense and very emotional. Young, at 23 I had no idea what was going on.... James held my hand through it all, as I cried... The ER didn't want to schedule a DNC for me because I was young, and had never had a baby and it can damage your scar tissue... At that point at home, I wished someone had knocked me out and just took away the pain, and the emotional damage.

Miscarriage is like a secret society, which annoys me to the core! It is very "hush hush" and, "don't talk about it" type of thing..... That is bull shit! I felt so alone, with nobody to talk to. My Mom had lost a baby at full term (which is horrific in it's own) so, I felt like my situation was minor compared to that... None of my friends had children yet, so they had no idea what to say or do..... Let me tell you that when you lose a baby the world can be a very lonely place to be in. I don't care what anyone says, when you lose a life that is growing inside, it doesn't matter how far along you are! It hurts your heart, and is difficult to deal with, it IS a loss! PERIOD!

I got pregnant with Jayce after a few months... Of course, I was a nervous wreck my first trimester! I remember that James bought me a "3" for my charm bracelet the day I reached 12 weeks.. We were so happy to be out of the red zone... He was born healthy and 2 weeks early on July 14, 2002, my Mom's Birthday! What a good gift huh?!! I was in labor for about 12 hours with an audience that took up my entire L and D room! All my family and friends were there to support... I was so doped up I don't remember much of anything! In fact, I signed for an epidural and can't even remember! Ya know, they teach a little about about giving birth in health class but, boy oh boy they sure leave out a lot of things that women NEED to know! Nobody tells you that your vagina will burn like a mother fucker, and feels like jalapeno juice was just poured on your ass!

As the years passed us by, and our Jayce grew, we decided he needed a sibling.. Also in the meantime we decided to sell our first house, build a home, and get something bigger! We sold our house the first few weeks of it being on the market and put a deposit down on a lot..... So, when we had a 30 day escrow with our buyer, we would basically be homeless! This is when we moved in with the in laws for 4 months! Now, when you want to make a sibling for your child and live with your in laws, things can get complicated! Not to mention, a GIANT , practically life size Jesus statue on a cross hanging over the bed! I was totally going to HELL!

By the time we moved into the new house I was pregnant... Maybe Jesus was good luck.?? We were thrilled! I started showing SO fast with this pregnancy, and I had heard after you are pregnant one time, your uterus knows what to do, and starts growing much quicker! I lost that baby at 11 weeks.... Just shy of 3 months. I was a mess! I wanted this baby so badly... This time, I was angry!! Why does this keep happening? It just wasn't fair, and not long after that, I lost another....

When I FINALLY got pregnant with Logan, I had a very negative attitude.... I figured this one would be taken away too.... I started "spotting" one afternoon and I just KNEW, this is it! Here we go again.... James took me to the ER, underwent some tests, including an ultrasound... The technician said she really couldn't see anything. I was sent back to my room, where later many nurses would come in and hand me literature on miscarriage.. I knew the drill! I didn't even look at those bitches when they told me I probably wouldn't carry this one to term....

WELL, this one was a fighter!!!!!!!!! This boy wasn't going anywhere! I gave birth to Logan James on October 2, 2007 at 1:25am! He was an entire month early! They whisked him off after I held him for a few minutes, and took him into the NICU.... I was only familiar with the NICU because my Nephew CJ was a preemie too, born at 32 weeks in 1996..

Logan didn't know how to suck, swallow or breathe at the same time. He would NOT eat from a bottle (shit head!).... He had a tube in his nose, and eventually after being in the NICU all day and into the night, we taught him how to eat! We were dedicated to getting our son HOME and, after turning blue a couple times, giving us a couple scares, and 10 days with his "guardian angels" in the NICU, he finally came home!

I think after this journey, this is why I am so emotional with his upcoming Birthday! I feel like we have been through so much to have gotten this precious boy here... He is just as special as his brother but, he truly is my angel... His angel brothers or sisters helped him be a fighter in order to make our family complete... There are no more babies for the Rocha family and that I am ok with... These boys have made a complete family out of us, and I know those other 3 angels watch over us everyday...

If you know someone who has had a miscarriage, be sure to reach out..... Even if they don't want to "talk" about it, it's always nice to know that someone cares.... You never know how that loneliness feels unless it's happened to you, and there are not many support groups out there to help those in need cope with their loss.