Nostalgia......

I always get quite nostalgic around Logan's birthday...... The journey to get this little boy into the world wasn't easy....  After losing 2 babies before him, and scheduling an appointment with my OB to discuss our "options" (we also lost our our first baby, before Jayce) I had almost give up hope....  I know so many other women who had lost more pregnancies but, I was at the end of my rope and was in a very dark place in my life...

When I finally became pregnant with Logan, we stayed very quiet about the pregnancy.... After all, going in for another sonogram and hearing "I am so sorry, but there is no heartbeat" wasn't something I wanted to hear AGAIN....  I started spotting rather soon into my first trimester, went into the ER, had an ultrasound done, where the tech couldn't even see much because it was so early!  They assumed I was losing him and told me to go home and rest.... I remember the nurses handning me pamphlets and explaining what my body would do.... At that point I was numb, pissed, sad and totally treated those poor nurses like shit.  I threw the pamphlets and told them "I already know"

Days went by and nothing happened..... Turns out, I was progressing fine.  I was paranoid the entire time and was so happy to ease into my 2nd trimester, then the 3rd...   Then in late Septemeber I started to "leak" a bit when I was walking......  I assumed it was just the norm!  I would use the bathroom. stand up, sit down, repeat...  I wanted to be sure I emptied my bladder all the way!  I felt like I was at mass on Sunday in the bathroom (stand sit stand sit)....  A few days later I told James something just didn't feel right and I didn't think it was normal to slowly leak every day!  That night as we were sitting on the couch watching The Raiders play (I think they lost, go figure), I jumped off the seat with a BIG contraction....... ONLY once!  So weird, and we were both puzzled..... James said, I think we should go in just to be sure you are both ok!  I agreed and off we went.

I checked into the ER and was quickly taken to L & D where I was hooked up to monitors.... NO contractions!  The nurse that came in said "Hi my name is _________, (as she looked at her watch) I am off in 20 minutes so, what can I do for you?"  This did not set well with me......... We told her what was going on so she decided to do a strip test... A strip test will tell you if you are leaking amniotic fluid or if it just urine.... She did the test, called the on call doctor and came back in... "Well the edges of the strip are blue just a little but, Dr. says to go ahead and send you home"  OK, I assume that these people know what they are talking about.....  We were a little relieved since Logan wasn't due for another 5 weeks....

The next morning I just couldn't get the strip test off my mind.....  It was a Monday so, I decided to call my doctor.... At the time, I was seeing a midwife, and she told me to come in immediately!  James was still home that morning doing some work, and getting ready to leave so, I jumped in my car and headed to the office...

As soon as I was on the table and she checked me, she looked at me and said "You are fully ruptured..."  Since I had never had a "water break' before, I just assumed a gush would come out and not a slow leak....... "You need to go to the hospital right now because you need to deliver..."  I looked at her and said "Is he going to be ok?"  She assured me he would be fine and I left the office...

I called James and said "I need you to come back home and meet me there, we need to go to the hospital, we are going to have a baby"  He really couldn't talk, we were both shocked and worried.....

As we settled into our hospital room, things seemed pretty calm....  We hung out together, watched TV and chatted.  They sent in an ultrasound technician to see what was going on..... As the tech took a look at my belly, he looked a little puzzled.. he asked me "Have you been sick?  Have you had a fever?"  Nope..... I hadn't.....  He then said "You have NO amniotic fluid and this is really dangerous for your baby"  Well, I guess that explained the leak....  Poor Logan had nothing to swim in,,,,

The first round of cervical gel was placed around 3:30pm and was given to me every couple of hours..... I felt nothing and had no contractions until 10:45pm that night.....  They were tolerable, but I asked for an epidural so things wouldn't be so bad...  Our beautiful baby boy was born in 7 minutes of pushing at 1:20AM on October 2, 2007.  They handed him to me and I was in awe...He wasn't making much noise.... They had called in a specialist to check him out, and he was whisked away rather quickly.....  James followed.  I was taken care of by my incredible nurse Rachel, who was a dear family friend, she changed my bed, helped me use the bathroom and turned off the lights and closed my door so I could sleep...  Around 6am, I heard the door open and it was James... He looked so exhausted!!!!  He curled up on the chair by me and fell asleep...  Around 7:30 am Rachel came in to have us moved to Mother Baby....  James decided to go home, shower and rest a bit... At this point, I had no clue where Logan was...I assumed he was in the nursery and they were allowing me to rest up.

Around 10:30am I got a call in my room from the Neonatal Specialist from The NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) asking me if I would like to come down there to see Logan....  I didn't have an episiotomy so it made walking SO much easier this time around......  When I walked in, washed and scrubbed my hands and arms, I was greeted by some of the most incredible nurses I have ever known....  They took me to his isolate and I peeked inside at my tiny 5 pound boy, who was hooked up to wires, monitors and the tape on his diaper almost wrapped around his itty bitty waist!  He was so small, so beautiful and was sleeping.....  They explained to me that he wasn't life threatening but, he most likely wouldn't get to come home with us until he gained some weight and was closer to his due date... I was just barely to my 35th week of pregnancy when he arrived.  We had no idea what we were in for..

Logan didn't know how to suck, swallow and breathe....That is a natural reaction for a baby and he just didn't get it...  We literally had to push his chin up and down to try to suck on his bottle..... He would barely eat anything and was now dropping under 5 pounds...  It was frustrating to watch him not get the nourishment he so badly needed....  After a few days the nurses and his doctor decided that he needed to have a tube placed in his nose so we could gavage feed....  A gavage is when a tube is placed into the nose, down to the stomach so that the newborn can get formula...  The problem was that it wasn't teaching him how to suck but, he needed food!  Logan stopped breathing twice during his stay, once when he was in my arms, he turned blue and I handed him to the nurse because I completely panicked.....  It was the hardest things I have ever had to watch.....  Leaving the hospital without your baby is not easy....

I think around day 6 or 7, Logan FINALLY took to the nipple......  He finally figured it out!  We were relieved!  He didn't take much but, we were happy he was making progress and taking at least 1/2 an ounce....  After 10 long days, being with our son around the clock, he was discharged and able to come home....  Jayce was there to escort him and I wouldn't have had it any other way since he was only allowed to see him through glass!  The NICU nurses quickly became family to us and I am forever grateful to them and often refer to them as Logan's "guardian angels"  Without them, and without us being persistent about being there learning how to take care of a preemie, he would've been there much longer~ going home was great but, scary!  We did ok.....

A now 70 pound 6 year old, feisty, funny, blunt, and definitely a "mamas boy", our little miracle is our hearts joy!  He is the baby of the family and is spoiled by his 2 older cousins and his relationship with his brother is priceless.......  he is our second rainbow baby, and has proved to us that big things come in small packages.... Logan saved me, he saved my marriage and he truly is a miracle... He made me SLOW DOWN and appreciate how precious life really is.

Thursday we will celebrate his 7th birthday and I can hardly believe it..... He has taught us so much....He truly is a "fighter"